Thursday, September 11, 2014

I'm Thankful the TV Channel Wasn't Turned to Skinamax

I've been away from the blog for a few days, maybe weeks, I could say exactly if I wanted to, but I'm too lazy to confirm the precise amount of time.  Being unemployed makes the days blend together and I find myself frequently checking my phone to see what day it is.  I have sunk deeper into my "funk" and have had a few mini breakdowns.
Take yesterday for example.  I was being productive and had stripped the bed and loaded the washer and started it.  About 10 minutes into the wash cycle I heard it, the noise of something other than sheets, pillow cases, and the bedspread being tumbled around in the washer, and I knew immediately.  I rushed into the laundry room and frantically pushed the unlock button on the washer.  Water sloshed all over the floor as I pulled open the door and searched through the sopping wet sheets.  There it was, the remote control.  Now this isn't just any remote control, this is a radio frequency remote, which is not cheap to replace for someone who is currently unemployed.  As I pulled it from the water in the bottom of the washing machine, I noticed it was still lit up, a small glimmer of hope, but upon further examination, I knew I was probably fucked because the display screen obviously had water in it.  I rushed to get a tupperware container and the box of rice. In my heart I knew this wasn't going to work, but I had to try.  I ran upstairs to get the hairdryer and tried that too.  My heart was racing a million miles an hour, because I knew I was going to have to tell Babboo, what I did.  Just as I reached for the phone it rang, it was him.  I felt like he somehow already knew, like I'd been caught red handed.  I followed my hello with, please don't be mad at me.  I broke the news and then proceeded to cry like a child that just dropped her ice cream cone.  He actually took the new very well, probably because he lives with me and knows I'm close to losing the marble that is keeping me from being totally bat shit crazy.
Usually this short of thing just rolls off my back, but it was the tipping point, it was that last marble and it had just slipped through my fat little fingers.  Everything that I've been worrying about and contemplating over for the past 10 weeks came flooding in.  I felt like I'd been shrunk down to the size of one of those toy army men and I was drowning in the bottom of the washing machine, along side of the remote control that I had just sent to its watery grave.  I somehow pulled myself together, without the help of any alcohol or narcotics, finished the load of bedding and made the bed.  
Today has been slightly better, only a few tears and the kitchen floor was mopped.  I still count it as a one step forward, two steps back kind of day, but it could have been worse.  That's what I keep telling myself everyday, "IT COULD BE WORSE."  
Let's see how I feel after this weekend, the birthday weekend.  Not a major milestone birthday, but at this age, every birthday is an opportunity for a nervous breakdown.
Stay tuned.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Mini Me

I've heard it all my life, "you and your mom could be sisters! "You look just like your mom."  I thought we looked similar until I saw these pictures.  My mom is the little one in the majority of these and that's me in the color picture.  I do have that same facial expression that she has in the one with the bonnet (that I'm so annoyed, quit doing whatever the fuck you're doing look).  I was looking at the book face the other day while I was on the phone with her and found these pictures on her profile.  I literally said, "holy shit, I look just like you!"
And yes, those are all her brothers and sisters, she's one of ten.  The very bottom picture has all 10 kids in it, it's just hard to see the baby.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Fantasy Football Draft

courtesy of
Every year I know the end of the summer is near when Babboo has his Fantasy Football draft.  Don't get me wrong, I like sports it gives me a real reason to drink, other than stress.  I just don't want the summer to end, especially since it's been a cold summer.
I am excited for draft day because I get to open up the ol' appetizer board on Pinterest and plan the food selection.  I wish Babboo would let me stand up and announce the food.  I picture it going something like this:

            "For the first round of food in the 2014 Donkey Punchers Draft, I have selected Buffalo Chicken Dip......."   

I would rundown the entire menu that way, would try not to giggle, and would definitely be the only person in the room that was amused by my announcement.

Now I must move furniture around in the game room in preparation for the festivities.  The newly delivered pool table and the lack of the bar is making this a bit of a challenge.  Real world problems.

Side note:  Babboo is in more than one "league" and I think the "Donkey Punchers" is actually the college league in which they pick teams weekly not players.  I know it's a fabulous it if you don't understand.

Friday, August 22, 2014

My Mood

This is what I've been wanting to say to quite a few people lately....

It's perfect.  A cute unicorn with the absolute best phrase.

That is all....carry on.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

How Is That Shit Published?!

I am back to writing, and the screenplay is now going to be a book, which is just as hard to write, but with less formatting requirements, which were making the process WAY longer than I had the patience for.  I was inspired to sit down and write after finishing the book I was reading here and there over the past month.  It was just engaging enough to keep me interested, a semi-witty fiction, which ended up having a horrible ending that pissed me off.  It made me think, if this thing can get published, why can't mine.

The dogs are currently napping and I'm trying to multi-task by writing this post and waiting for the second load of laundry in the dryer to finish. I've yet to turn on the TV today, which is also a small miracle, not that I typically watch it all day, it's more background noise than anything else, but sometimes I would get sucked into watching a movie I had already seen multiple times.  I think it was more of an excuse to procrastinate.

Today has been a semi-productive day, especially since I am swearing off the Book Face for awhile.  It has become more of a place to share funny, political, or inspirational videos or pictures, and quite frankly I can find that shit on my own.  I'm sure I'll still check in from time to time to see whose kid got braces, or who went on a Disney cruise yet again, but the time away is needed before I went bat shit crazy on someone or everyone!

I'm also going to try to start the book my friend sent me, the one I posted about not too long ago.  I REALLY need some inspiration these days.  The bank account is depleting and I have yet to find a job, not that I've been applying myself 100% to that task, so a little inspiration is much needed.  Yes, I am still trying to find the perfect job, so if you know of something or someone who may know of something, keep me in mind.  I promise I am much more productive when I actually have deadlines.  When you still have a couple pair of clean socks and nothing to do tomorrow the laundry can always wait.

It's days like these I wonder what some of the people who write those blog ----------> on my blogger list , do.  I've read most of the "about me" sections on each of the blogs and the stay at home/unemployed descriptions make me question how these people pay their bills and aren't posting day after day that they are sitting in the dark eating ramen noodles due to the fact that they have no money, because the have no job.  If this sounds like any of you ------> and you'd like to send me a private message enlightening me, please go to my Facebook page and do so, even though I'm giving up the book face, I'll see the message.  I'm actually very curious.

I hear the ever so annoying beep of the dryer going off, which means my "work" here is done for now. I must be on my way.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Trying to Bite My Tongue

I haven't posted for a few days partially because I haven't felt like attempting to be even a little witty with a post and it seems like everything I've written lately has been depressing.  Also, anything I feel like writing about is the bad shit that's happening and I've had enough debating with people on the Book Face over political/"news worthy" shit.  I don't feel like calling out the morons who have pissed my off in one way or another, because I'm just tired of the morons.  I think I'm just tired of the Book Face again and all the bull shit posts the hypocrites post.  (Go ahead hypocrites, make all your shitty comments, I'm just going to delete them, or you.)
What I need is a vacation, on a beach, away from real life for a week, even if it's just me, myself, and I. Doesn't that sound nice?

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Importance and Ramblings

What makes you feel important?  Your job?  Your kids?  Your husband?  Your friends?  I found myself questioning my importance folding laundry, listening to one dog chew on a bone as the other howled and barked at him.  How do those things/people make you feel important?  Do they say thank you?  Do they do things for you?  Do people admire and look up to you?

My life isn't facebook perfect.  My life is good.  I'm just in a funk.  I'm trying to get out of it.  I'm trying to be productive.  I'm trying.  That's hard too.  I'm trying to find my importance again.  I've always associated certain things with feeling important, having a good job for one.  I wasn't a doctor or a lawyer, or what some people think are "important" jobs.  I didn't make six figures, which some people think is "important."  I had a decent job that paid the bills, but I was miserable at and found my life passing me by.  I know it was the right decision to leave. It was, right?

Not having a full time job makes me feel less important for some reason.  Which in turn makes me non-productive, then that turns into being in a funk, a fog, out of sorts.  Looking for a job also puts me in a funk.  I hold myself in high regard for the most part, but try staring at job listings for hours and hours as you discard one after another because you lack experience for this one, or that one.  My once outlook that I can do anything (within reason, I'm not applying for brain surgeon positions) slowly changes to, is there anything I can do?

So, here I am folding laundry, questioning my importance and listening to the dogs gnaw on their raw hides, trying to remember what day it is, and contemplating a shower.  That's a whole other type of funk....