Monday, June 24, 2013

Getting Out of Hell, The Quest For a New Job

I have said it for years, I need a new job.  I have finally been pushed to the breaking point and am actively looking.  Let me tell you it isn't fun.  First off,  I have a degree,  I have been with my current employer for 10+ years, I am very personable besides the fact that I don't like people,  and I am highly intelligent. I have been hoping to get into outside sales, but every decent outside sales position want a ridiculous amount of sales experience. How are there any people in outside sales if all the positions require experience?! What came first,  the chicken or the egg? I have grown cross eyed staring at my resume hours upon hours and would really like to cut to the chase and put in my personal information, I like money, please hire me,  you won't be disappointed. So if any of you in the blogger universe would like to hire me,  I'm available. Oh and I did win an award in college that should put your mind at ease.  My sorority sisters gave me the prestigious "Used Car Salesman Award"  for my power of persuasion. That has to account for something,  right?

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

20 Minutes

Why is it no matter the day of the week or the time of day,  when you call for take out of any type of Asian food you are ALWAYS told it will be ready in 20 minutes?  I could order 6 entrees or one egg roll and the time until it's ready,  still 20 minutes. But when I arrive at the restaurant precisely 20 minutes from when I placed the order,  it is NEVER ready,  NEVER. If they would just tell me the correct wait time,  I could fold some laundry,  do the dishes or play 10 games of Mahjong.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

New Name Already?

With all my other blogs,  I typically wait a few months before scrapping them or it's death by neglect.  I did have to change a few things after initially launching this blog,  but didn't think by post three I would need to change my pen name.  Why? you silently think to yourselves. Has my anonymity been compromised,  did I leave open my browser at the library, or maybe someone hacked into blogger and they have threatened to expose my identity if I don't allow them to be one of my minions. No,  no,  and no.  Thanks to iced mochas and mint cookies from 7-11 my new pen name might have to be Jennifer Snarky Muumuu.
At this very moment I'm staring at my empty mocha cup and wondering if I should make another 7-11 run. Thankfully I don't have the time before my coworker leaves for the day. On the bright side,  I have 2 and a half packages of mint cookies  in the freezer.  If it weren't for all my chores,  I'd weigh 300 pounds.
Candidates for the minion position,  requirements  are as follows:
1. Must be available 24-7
2. Must be capable of being bullied at work.
3. Must sign a confidentiality contract.
Applicants outside the USA are welcome.  I need minions around the globe.
Uptight Ass holes need not apply.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

How Old Are Your Kids?

I love it when people just assume you have children.  I would love to answer the above question with,  84 and almost 2 and a half..... In dog years, but I just politely answer,  I don't have any kids.  What comes next is the look of,  "she's pretty old,  she must be barren. I feel sorry for her. "
All my friends who have kids are always running to activities,  doing homework,  or desperately trying to find a baby sitter to have their first adult night out in years.  Honestly, I don't know how I could manage it with the job, hell as I like to refer to it.  I'm required to work 3 Saturdays a month and one Sunday,  or more per needs of the business.  That usually equates to 3 Saturdays AND 3 Sundays a month.  My new boss is a policy nazi (go ahead and be offended) and recently chastised me for not working my expected 3 Saturdays. I'm so tempted to call in every Saturday for the next month.  I know,  I know,  I know the expectations,  but what about the other managers with kids who have to call in when their kid is sick,  or they have to leave early because their kid is graduating from 2nd grade and they have to be there. By the way,  WHY IN THE HELL DO KIDS HAVE A GRADUATION CEREMONY  FOR EVERY FUCKING GRADE?!   The expectations suddenly change when you throw a kid or kids in the mix. I think I need to write my congressmen and propose a new law to protect people who don't have kids.  Oh maybe make it mandatory  that people working full time jobs with no kids be compensated for the time they are at work over what their counterparts work.  I think a fair rate would be 10 percent of their yearly wage. Who's signing my petition?

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

If I Had a Dollar....

As my boyfriend would say, this isn't my first rodeo.  I have other blogs,  but this one is different.  I haven't told anyone I know about it.  No links to Facebook, no mention on Google +, nothing.  Why you ask, because I'm tired of my online escapades being broadcast second hand.  So here I am,  not sure how you made it here,  but good to see you.  Enjoy, and if you don't,  oh well.