Monday, April 28, 2014

Buy My Snark and Make Me Happy

Well, I opened a Zazzle Store to share my snark with the world.  You should definitely go and buy something, then I can quit my job and then my snark would turn to happiness, and.... Who am I kidding? Jobs may come and go, but my snark will live forever!  Especially if you go buy a shirt or something.
God Don't Like Ugly
What the Hell is a Door Wall?
You're The Reason I'm Looking For a New Job

Sunday, April 27, 2014

That's Not Proper Grammar

Sometimes, when Babboo is being less than sweet, I will say to him "God don't like ugly."  I don't remember the first time I heard this saying and his reply is usually, "what the hell does that mean?  That's bad grammar."
I literally just said this to him five minutes ago and he gave his typical response, but the light bulb went off and I remembered hearing this in a movie recently.  So, like most people do these days, I went to Google to find out where I had heard one of my favorite sayings.  I was surprised at the results, 8 different movies have this saying in them, including "Big Momma's House 2," the one I watched recently.  (don't judge me, it was just on and I was too lazy to find something else.)  I also found out there is a book with this as it's title, and 2Pac also had this line in his song "Against All Odds."
I think I will make some T-shirts with this quote on them and wear them to work everyday.  Do you think any of those ass holes would get the meaning? Yeah, me neither.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Back When I Was Your Age








You know the saying, our parents probably said it to us a million times when we were growing up.  Since I don't have children, I don't have anyone to use it on, but I think it in my head quite frequently at work while I watch the youth of today.  I have a really hard time understanding what "cool" is all about today.  I'm especially confused after taking a quiz I saw on Facebook, "Are You Actually A Hipster?"
via BuzzFeed.  I don't know why I was compelled to take it since I already knew the answer, a big Hell  No, but I did for shits and giggles.  Let me first say I got a 5 out of 102, and this was the explanation of my score:
                "You own one pair of Ray-Bans, and you wear them earnestly.  You aren't upset with the status quo and you don't take it out on your Instagram Followers."

For this quiz you had to click on pictures of "whatever you're into."  I was unaware that Pabst Blue Ribbon is now considered hip or that Etsy is too.  Being that Etsy is so popular amongst so many non-hipsters, I thought it would have be shunned by now.  I guess that is another reason for my lack of hipness.
These hipsters are a new type of poser, they are so against the mainstream, but they have conformed into their own hipster culture.  I would consider the hipsters, Super Douche Bags.  I can walk into any crowded restaurant just a quick ride from my house and be surrounded by these Hipster Super Douche Bags (HSDBs).  Plaid shirts, the dark rim nerd glasses, Chuck Taylors, and skinny jeans adorn all them, and the "I am the center of the universe" attitudes hang thick in the air.  They may not live off their parents wealth now, but most of these HSDBs don't have student loans or drive a Ford focus, courtesy of  mommy and daddy.  Before any of you say it, because someone out there is thinking it, I do not want to be a HSDB.  The only thing I am the least bit envious of is the lack of student loans.  My plaid shirts and skinny jeans are not purchased from the army, as in Salavation Army, but the Navy, aka Old Navy.  I'm quite sure most of the HSDBs are buying their "vintage" apparel from Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie anyway.

If you are unsure if you are or want to be a hipster, take a look at the definition.   Urban Dictionary defines "hipsters" as:
           
 "A subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.  Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs.  Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can."

All I can do is laugh at the last sentence in the above definition.  Wouldn't it be oxymoronic to reject the mainstream, but keep up with social change.  
Why don't you all take the quiz, post your results and we will see who gets deleted from my Facebook friends list for being a hipster.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail, Hopping Down the Barbecue Trail

No, this post is not about barbecue rabbit.  With that said, we can proceed.

My Sweet Babboo and I LOVE barbecue.  In the summer we barbecue epic goodness every weekend. The usual suspects you can find in the smoker are beef brisket, pork shoulder, ribs, and chicken wings.  We also do beer can chicken, kabobs, veggies, hot dogs, burgers, jalapeno poppers, and the list goes on and on.  I can't forget the corn bread and coleslaw, which are a must as sides for any barbecue.





The only logical theme for Babboo's Easter basket is, you guessed it, barbecue.  So far I have purchased a gallon of original sauce and a small bottle of heavy garlic barbecue sauce from the Goode Company out of Houston Texas.  Our friends invited us over for dinner one night and we had beef brisket with the original barbecue sauce and we were hooked.  Goode Company also sells rubs, pecan pies, brisket, ribs, sausage, and pralines, just to name a few.  I figured a gallon of sauce is a good start.  If you like a smokey flavored sauce, this is a good one to try.  We've never had the heavy garlic sauce, but it sounded yummy, so I got a small bottle of that.

Next on the list is some goodies from Cherith Valley Gardens.  We used to carry this company's products at Pier 1, and I absolutely loved the ketchup.  Of course I ordered a bottle of ketchup for me, hot and spicy sweet jalapenos, and jalapeno cilantro mustard.  Babboo likes jalapeno and I thought we could maybe do the hot and spicy sweet jalapenos in corn bread and use the jalapeno cilantro mustard in potato salad.

 I also bought some bamboo skewers, and I'm thinking I'll get a new apron, if I can find something good.  All of it is going in the galvanized drink bucket I bought last year with a few bags of wood chips as the filler.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It's Spring Break in the Mitten and I'm EXTRA Snarky

Yes, it's spring break here, one of the worst weeks of the year.  Not only are there a multitude of moms with their bratty kids running amuk where I work, I have to see all the family fun photos of tropical places on Facebook.  I swear to you, if there wasn't a social media policy at work, I'd post my spring break good time photos.  You'd get to see all the towels and rugs I have to fold a million times a day, the wonderful customers, and the awesome morale of all the employees.

 I also love the weather forecast photos of everyone's vacation destinations.  Well here's one for all of you, rainy or overcast all week, with low temps dropping down below freezing, AWESOME.


My sweet babboo is also guilty of the tropical picture-fuck you.  I got this one texted to me this afternoon along with a weather update, "88 and sunny."
Palm Beach
I can't wait to go on vacation.  I'm going to post pictures of absolutely everything, EVERYTHING, so all my friends can feel like they are right there with me.
Happy Spring Break 2014!  You can find me at work or picking up dog shit in the front yard, enjoying that magnificent weather.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Take This Job and....

I just read a friend's post about typing up her resignation letter.  I think I'm going to compose mine, print it up, and hang it in a few places in the house so I have to look at it everyday. Maybe it will light a fire under my ass to find something new.  God knows I'm miserable everytime I have to go there. I could ramble on and on about each and everything that bugs the shit out of me,  but I won't because it's so depressing. I'm just going to focus my energy on finding a job that utilizes my intelligence, my experience,  my people skills, and my determination. Yes, I said "people skills," and yes, it made me laugh too. Fuck off. This one is pretty close to perfect,  except the "I always wanted to ask you out."

courtesy of www.funnyordie.com

Monday, April 7, 2014

Happy 20th Anniversary Mom


April 13th is the anniversary of the release of one of my all time favorite movies, Serial Mom.  Beverly Sutphin is my disfunctional hero.  I totally sympathize with all the bull shit that Beverly puts up with and I believe her actions are justified.  What happens when you steal my parking spot?  Well this does...cock sucker.
If you've never seen this movie, you need to, today. Find it on Netflix, buy it on Amazon, just get it somehow.  You know it has to be good if it's a John Waters movie.  Believe me, you won't be disappointed.