Monday, May 5, 2014

Center of the Universe Found!!!!

If you're looking for the center of the universe, look no further, you've found it.  Before any of you think I'm saying it's me, let me clarify.  The center of the universe is in close proximity to me whenever I leave the house.

Take today for example.  I made the very poor decision to go to Costco, on a Sunday.  I'm pretty sure there were hundreds of "centers of the universe" in the parking lot alone.  There was one asshole who was very important, parking right on the sidewalk in the fire lane.  The realization continued as I walked in and another VIP decided she wasn't going to wait behind the other people showing their membership cards and barged forward past everyone.  Then the next lady, walking at a snail's pace, talking on her phone, was oblivious to the fact that there were other people shopping in the store too.

This went on for the brief 20 minutes I was in the store, dodging around all the centers of the universe, trying to cross off my list of of jumbo items.  When I exited the store, no surprise to me, the asshole was still parked on the sidewalk.  NASA should follow me around because this is a MAJOR astronomical discovery!
The Center of the Universe Drives a Cadillac

This guy gave me my inspiration for these parking violation cards.  Just slip them under the wiper of every ass hole that's parked in a no parking lane, that's taking up two parking spots, or that has decided to park within centimeters of your car. Better buy these in bulk!!!!

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