Friday, May 23, 2014
Green With Envy (Pity Party Take Three)
Don't get me wrong, I have a great life. I am very thankful for what I have and I try to remind myself that everyday. But, sometimes it's difficult. I want to be writing this from a perfect little studio in the house, but instead I am sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by mail, an empty milk carton, my open beer, a bottle of soy sauce, and 8 empty beer cans, a far cry from my perfect studio. (Just to clarify, the 8 empty beer cans are not from me, this time) The house is not sparkling clean, EVER, and I don't have a cleaning lady that comes in twice a week to make it that way.
The green-eyed monster rears its ugly head at work too. Women in their cute little outfits, shopping on a Wednesday afternoon, their carts brimming with stuff they "needed" and I would like to have. Their hair is perfectly cut and colored, their nails freshly manicured, and I have to shield my eyes from the glare off the diamonds on their ears and fingers. They pay for their very expensive purchase, with a swipe of the American Express and load the multitude of bags into their Range Rover, BMW, Mercedes, or some other car that costs more than I make in a year.
Does anyone else do this? I long to have weekends off, to have holidays off, to be able to say, "I'm going to take the laptop on the boat today and write my blog in the sun." Instead, I'm working my butt off in a thankless job, helping people who can be very "difficult," missing out on fun events because I have to be at that place every weekend.
I'd like to punch to guy that said, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." Actually I'd like to see the guy that said, "It takes money to make money," kick his ass. That would be WAY more fulfilling. Because it does take money to make money and that, in my mind, is the whole what came first, the chicken or the egg question. How do I get the money to make the money? How do I? That is not a rhetorical question. Someone please answer it. I'm begging you!
So, here I sit at 1:45 AM writing this brutally honest post, wondering if I keep it as a draft to read tomorrow morning and decide if I should actually publish it, or should I throw caution to the wind and publish it now.
Yep, you know me. I say, "fuck it." If you think less of me for being honest, I'm ok with that. After the publish button is clicked, I'm going to finish my Miller Lite, probably go outside and have a cigarette, and maybe wash my face and brush my teeth before I go snuggle in next to Babboo. Yes, go ahead and judge me, I sleep in my makeup sometimes. Oh, and you can judge me for about 1000 other things I've said or eluded to in this post, frankly my dear(s), I don't give a shit.