Monday, June 30, 2014

Do It Right the First Time

I have been on Atkins for a little over 1 week now.  I have a total weight loss of, drum roll please.......ZERO POUNDS! Yes, that's right, a giant fucking goose egg, which I can eat on Atkins with bacon, but no toast.  It has been very frustrating getting on the scale every day and watching the scale go down, and then back up, and then back to my starting weight....The one good thing that has come about by doing Atkins, I know my will power is strong, and I am fairly certain that I can lose some LBs the right way, with a healthy diet and exercise.  If I can give up bread, pasta, and potatoes for over a week I can do absolutely ANYTHING.  I really don't want to get on the scale every day and be disappointed or angry and want to throw the damn thing out the window.  If my scale was a parrot, it would have the work "FUCK" as the primary word in its vocabulary.
The best thing about this diet was the meat I could eat, tons of protein, but I've grown tired of consuming all this protein (except the bacon).  It has also given me a new appreciation for salad.  A salad tastes like heaven to me.  I believe I can cut out soda for the most part and can only imagine how sweet a McDonald's coke would probably taste if I had one.
The hardest thing will be to reintroduce the carbs I love back into the diet.  I don't want to have that "HOLY SHIT, this tastes amazing!" moment, which spins me into the biggest carb binge known to man.  I'm pretty confident that won't happen, but I will need to steer clear of large containers of ice cream for awhile.  I might have to buy one of those mini containers, just to limit myself the first time I eat it.
I know most of you are probably thinking, "Jesus, you were only on it for a week, and you're saying you have will power?  If you had will power, wouldn't you be able to last longer than a week?"  My response, yes, after a week I can say I have will power and yes I could continue for longer than a week, which I may do to finish out my second week.  If you have attempted Atkins, you will understand.  If you haven't, don't, just do it the right way and don't waste your time.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Not My Stuff, But It Made Me Laugh

These were funny.  I love the explanation of this photo.  


"This poor kid is about to get rammed in the nuts by a goat, and the nearby adult isn’t the least bit concerned.  In fact, he finds this all incredibly amusing!  As hard as this is to believe, but when kids got hurt back then, adults didn’t come running with first-aid kits.  More than likely you’d be left alone with your pain, with no alternative but to get over it.
In the 70s, parents watched their offspring fall from trees and fall off bikes with a smile."

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Random Saturday, I'll Take That Meat Slicer and That Bracelet

There are few things that make me happier than to see the dogs happy.  They are like my furry children.  They have distinct personalities.  I think they are the cutest, smartest dogs in the world, notice I did not say most well behaved.  I love watching them chase each other around the yard.  I love Morgan's hound dog howl.  I love Jameson's big dumb dog look he has on his face most of the time.  I love watching them roll around in the grass, until I realize they are rolling in something gross, most of the time some sort of animal poop.  I love when I get on the golf cart, even if I am just driving it down the driveway to the garage, that Jameson has to have a ride because he thinks its boat time.

My Adsense ads have netted me a big $1.15.  I don't get paid out until the amount reaches $100, so in 80 years, give or take, someone is getting a big surprise check in the mail. The ads are also tailored to what you look at or search for online.  Since Babboo will use my laptop from time to time, my ads include things like this:

 A meat slicer and a commercial grade rotisserie.  I have also had tire advertisement, ebay auctions for four wheelers,  & Atkins diet information just to name a few.  At least there aren't any links for adult websites, or maybe that's only because I've blocked those from my Adsense.


I've had a few Book Face friends say I should become a writer as my next job.  My response is a definite, "Hell yes," but as you can see from my Adsense profits it appears only my Book Face friends are reading this, so I'm not sure how that dream will come to fruition.

Being unemployed has brought out the frugality in me.  Soon I'll be raiding the newspaper machines for the Sunday coupons and buying 18 jars of ketchup, 12 boxes of frozen waffles, and purchasing those Bradford Exchange collectibles.  Although I do enjoy these:




I'm thoroughly overjoyed when I purchase new bras and underwear, even if they are from Target and not Victoria's Secret.

A quiz for all of you:
  1. I have been on the Atkins Diet for a week and have lost ______ pounds.  
  2. I AM or AM NOT full of shit.
  3. I HAVE OR HAVE NOT cheated.
Post a comment with your guesses.

A Facebook friend posted this the other day, which would make a ton of sense.

Tonight are the fireworks on the lake.  I still love fireworks as much as I did as a kid.  I still oooo and ahhh when there is something pretty.  I still wonder why they have the big canon like boom fireworks, which usually just scare the shit out of everyone.  I love the grand finale and watching the whole night sky lit up with every color of the rainbow.

Happy Saturday friends, strangers, and stalkers.

PS Jameson just sauntered past me and eeeked out a dog fart.  Farts are still funny even if they are dog farts.

Friday, June 27, 2014

My Life Summed Up By Reviewing My Social Media

I was perusing my social media accounts today and realized I'm a cynical crazy cat lady, only 20 years younger and the cats are dogs.  I also have a thing for food, obvious since I've been telling you I'm on Adkins and would take some french fries and chocolate ice cream as payment to perform a hit on the person of your choice.  The account that screams this the most, Instagram.



Just take a look at my profile cover picture that Instagram posts on your behalf.  Do you see a theme?  Crazy Dog Lady.  I would say 90% of my pictures are the dogs, 8% are of food, and 2% are "other."  I blame Babboo, because I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT post pictures of him anywhere!  Come on I have to refer to the guy with a pet name, do you think I could ever get away with sneaking just one picture in?!

Photo Credit: Mashable


Then if you move on to Facebook, that is where the cynicism kicks in.  I prefer to call it Snarkyness.  You will also note, my friends either embrace the snarky with the pictures they post on my wall or they try to be my "motivational coaches" with the other pictures, or oddly enough a combination of both.  I love both kinds of pictures because of my split personality, one half Super Snark, the other Believer that Every Little Thing is Gona Be Alright. (Go ahead sing the song.  You're welcome, that will now be stuck in your head the remainder of the day)  

I'm not quite sure how to define my Twitter activity yet.  I'm sure some theme will rear its ugly head soon.  I think someone needs to make up one of those quizzes I get suckered into on the book face, "What does you're account say about you?"  Crazy Cat Lady (or Dog), My Fake Facebook Life, The Selfie, I Have More Money Than You, Sports Fan, I Don't Know How FB Works Parent, Annoying FB Gamer, the list goes on and on....Which one are you?

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Not a "Pinterest Fail"

I made this for the Dave Matthews concert we went to last night.  I found the directions on Pinterest.

If you want to make one, you can find directions on WobiSobi.

My next project is the halter top.


Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Did I Just Open the Pandora's Box of Job Searching?

Photo from:  Live on Your Own Terms
Yes, we all know I would love to make a career out of blogging.  I envy the people that blog and get paid for it.  You all probably know by now, I'm also looking for a job.  I thought posting on my social media accounts could get me some valuable leads or contacts.  After posting theses hashtag yesterday on a tweet, #ineedajob and #gottahaveaJOB.  I have already received two "junk" replies.  I say junk, because I'm not interested in multi-level marketing/sales (dirty pyramid schemes) and I don't live in North Carolina, where the career coach that contacted me conducts business. I understand that these people, like me, are using social media to build their audience or business and I don't fault them for that.  I'm just hoping I won't be inundated with a million replies that aren't beneficial to me, my world takeover, or my job seach.

I hope someone appreciates the second hashtag.  Babboo jokingly says it to me daily now...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90mFGwYJ0s8&feature=kp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkO9us2ZmGg

Also, the website where the picture came from is riddled with bad grammar.  It's borderline maddening. Just warning you.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Captain's Log, Atkins Day 3

Day one was good. I was in meat and cheese heaven. I even had some pork rinds. Day 2 was a little harder, day on the boat without  beer seemed unnatural. Dinner last night sucked, watching people eat chips and dessert was borderline agonizing.  Day 3 has started off with me wanting pancakes, sweet, sweet pancakes, with lots of butter and sugar filled syrup. The sugar free Werthers are delicious, but don't compare to a Whatchamacallit. (Did you know there was a candy bar called a Thingamajig?)  I should have gotten on the scale first thing this morning, but I didn't and I ate breakfast already, so weigh in will happen tomorrow.  Fingers crossed for a loss.  Think of me when you are having bread, or potatoes, or pasta, or a cookie, or a piece of cake, or pancakes, or croutons, or....

Sunday, June 22, 2014

The NUTmobile is Green, No Not The Color Green

Photo from Planters.com

I need a picture with the NUTMobile to display with my Wienermobile picture.  A friend posted a picture of herself in front of it yesterday and I had to find out where it would be so I could get a picture of me rubbing up against those nuts, but their website schedule sucked and didn't list any future stops.  What it did have was the features of the NUTmobile, which I was impressed by.
Did you know:

  1. The NUTmobile has solar panels which charge its deep cycle batteries.
  2. The NUTmobile's interior lighting is 12v energy saving low voltage lights.
  3. The NUTmobile has a wind turbine built into the roof which is another way the deep cycle batteries are charged.
  4. The NUTmobile is able to run on biodiesel.
  5. The NUTmobile sports a reclaimed wood floor.
These are just a few of the green features found in the NUTmobile.  I know you feel smarter now.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Total Random Shit on a Saturday

I am a sucker for the stupid Facebook quizzes everyone posts.  What animal are you, what color is your soul, What cartoon character are you, Will you become a serial killer?  I took this one today and it has to be pulling words from my posts (and probably stealing my identity) because it is spot on.  I mean, eerily spot on, so far.  I say so far, because the job thing will change.  My stubbornness, and persistence will see to that.

Today is the day I started my Atkins diet.  I need to "weigh in" still.  (Eyes roll and a scowl shows on my face) I posted before how it went for me the last time I attempted it, and was hoping for a different result this time.  Well, I forgot that my processes have changed quite significantly since college.  I still eat fast food like I did in college and my stomach is like a steel trap most of the time when it comes to that kind of food.  What I forgot was what a good cut of meat does to me.  Like the tenderloin I had for dinner last night.  It is my Correctol.  It may not always be overnight or gentle, but it gets the job done.  So I guess I won't be full of shit, in the literal sense, this time around.  I'm sure you all needed to hear that to brighten your Saturday.

I am super stoked for the DMB show this week.  One of my friends went to the show this weekend and posted pics on the Book Face.  We got pavilion seats because Babboo and I both hate people and I'm old and need a dry seat.  The lawn doesn't provide enough personal space and if it rains that would suck.  I'm also looking forward to seeing a sorority sister of mine, who I probably haven't seen in over 15 years.  She is still young and tolerant of people so she got seats in the lawn.

I am going to attempt to fancy up a shirt to wear to the show on Wednesday.  I'll post a pic or two if it turns out and if the Atkins has magically caused me to lose 50 pounds by then.

I have to go to Costco today, which I am fucking dreading.  I'm sure there will be a post here, on twitter, or on the Book Face about my excursion.  God help me, Costco on a Saturday.

One of my best friends from college suggesting posting some other stories from those glorious seven years, no I'm not a doctor.  I'm thinking a Throw Back Thursday on the blog could be in order.  Stay tuned for that.

Don't forget my Zazzle store.  Buy my snark and make me rich.  And you all could share my blog link wherever you can, so I can get one step closer to professional blogger and you would be helping me turn that "Story Behind Jennifer's Birth date" around.  Share it on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, hire a sky writer, write it on the bathroom wall....Everywhere and anywhere you can think of.  Maybe I should do up some fliers like you see on the bulletin boards at the grocery store.  You know, the ones that say, "roommate needed" and have those little pieces of paper that you tear off at the bottom with a phone number.

Well I guess it's time for some motivation....Happy Saturday.




Friday, June 20, 2014

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

I have no excuses not to have a spotless house any longer.  My only job is finding another job and I currently have an office at home to do that.
So today I am on a mission to pick a room and make it perfect and tomorrow another room, another vision of perfection, and so on until everything is organized, clean, and smelling like fresh laundry.
The basement is not included in this equation.  The basement is a hot mess.  It has been the dumping ground for stuff since Babboo moved in.
My problem is my OCD/ADD.  I will start to clean something and want it to be perfect, but in the midst of doing one thing I notice another area that needs attention and I will start on something else without finishing the first.  Before I know it, everything is pulled out of the closet and dresser, the mop is in one corner of the room, the vacuum is in the middle of the room, and there are a million paper towels everywhere because I can't find the trash bag.
Here's the plan, I figure if I post it for the world to see, I will actually adhere to it, MAYBE.
Friday: Kitchen
Saturday & Sunday: Optional (a girl needs a weekend off)
Monday: Game Room
Tuesday: Den
Wednesday: Laundry Room & Half Bath
Thursday: Master Bedroom and Bath
Friday:  Both Upstairs Bedrooms and Bath
Saturday: Dining Room  (Possibly)
Sunday: Office (Possibly) again a girl needs a weekend off

I'm sure by the time I've finished I'm going to have to start all over again.  But I will reward myself with a manicure and pedicure first.  Maybe I will have a job prospect by then and I will hire the maid I've always wanted.  Or win the lottery, or someone will find the blog and I'll go viral and become a full time blogger / house-girlfriend.  I can't say housewife or Babboo might freak.

After my cleaning spree, you'll probably see more pictures posted here, on the Book Face, Twitter or Instagram.  Currently I will scan the background of pictures for laundry, dirt, piles of mail or dishes and won't post most pictures unless I can crop those out.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Beauty and the Bacon

Like most people I could stand to lose a few pounds.  Babboo would also like to drop some LBs and he decided Atkins would be the way to kick start the weight loss.  I, being the good girlfriend that I am, agreed to give Atkins another try.  I found some good recipes on Pinterest and I'm a total carnivore, so the meat eating part of Atkins will be no problem for me.

I say another try because Carol and I did Atkins in college.  There wasn't as many recipes and substitutes back then so it was difficult to follow religiously.  There was also another problem, we had no problem with the meat part, but apparently weren't eating enough fiber.  You know what not eating enough fiber leads to?  We were literally full of shit.  Our solution was Correctol, the gentle overnight relief, which it wasn't.  At that point we needed some sort of relief, and we needed it quick.  Well, be careful what you wish for.  Correctol was not overnight and it was not gentle.  Thank God we had two bathrooms in the apartment.  At 2 am we were both more miserable than we had been when we were bloated with meat and cheese.  At least we could talk to each other while we were working through our processes.  I swore I would never try that again.  Fast forward to now and I'm giving it another go.  I figure this time I will include more fiber in my meals and there's all sorts of probiotics and other things to help out with the non-pooping issue.

I'll keep you all posted on how it goes, the diet and the poop.  Oh, and the non-drinking.  Fuck, no beer for two weeks.  I'm cheating on that one, and I'm not ashamed to say it.  I promised to have a beer with one of my sorority sisters at the Dave concert, and I'm going to.


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Currently Accepting Applications for Monkeys

So, friends, strangers, stalkers, and all others.  I am unemployed as of yesterday.  I haven't been without a job since college.  It's fucking scary as hell and it hasn't even been 24 hours.  There were a million reasons not to stay and only one to stay, the paycheck.  The million reasons caused me more stress and headache than the stress and headache that's slowly creeping in with the realization that I won't be getting a paycheck.

I have been looking for a new job for a long time.  A few months ago, retail was still something I was willing to do just to get out of my current situation.  I do NOT want to work in retail any longer.  The hours suck, working nights and weekends sucks, working on holidays sucks.  So now I am stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place, apply for retail positions because I need a job, I'm qualified, and I'm good at it, or hold out for something outside of retail that may pay less, but has better hours and might be better in the long run, with the chance I'll still have to get a retail job because without a J. O. B. I can't pay my B. I. L. L. S.

I would love to start my own business but don't know what that business would be.  There's many things I enjoy doing, but I don't think being crafty will make me enough money to survive.  (That's crafty in the Martha Stewart sense, not the Beastie Boys "crafty")

I'm still trying to write the screenplay for the Carols movie, but I'm realistic about the whole movie thing and know that it's a chance in a billion anything will ever come of it, even though it's fucking hilarious.

So, I'm here with my new best friend Mac, my laptop, searching for my own circus, worrying I'll be in a van down by the river soon, and hoping and praying that this leap of faith is going to pay off with a new job that I like and a life outside of that job that I can finally enjoy.

Friday, June 13, 2014

This Is Our Top of the Line Model and One of Our Best Sellers

You know you're desperate when you click on a job for casket sales.  Yes, I am still on a job search.  Yes, I still want out of retail.  Yes, I prefer lotto winner or professional blogger, but I can't seem to secure either of those positions.  Today, like most days, I was going to the usual job search sites, seeing if there was anything new, or something I might have missed, when I saw this:

Company:Thacker Caskets, Inc.
$40,000 - $100,000

In my desperation, I clicked on it and proceeded to tell myself, "This could be an OK job."  Then, I started to imagine my sales calls, and the people I would have to interact with, and thought, still might be something I could do.  Then my mind really starts to wander and I'm considering my current wardrobe and that I'd have to get more business appropriate attire, and wonder about the hours, and how big the territory is.  Then I actually said out loud, "what the fuck are you thinking?"  But then again, my product line would be something 99.9% of us will all need someday.  I might just click "apply."  

It made me giggle that this is posted on Friday the 13th and it's a full moon.  Is it the universe telling me this is the job for me?

Thursday, June 12, 2014

I'm Never Sitting on Your Couch Again

I think Carol needs to buy this couch as the "kids only" couch
My conversations with Carol are always funny.  Well, 99% of the time they are funny.  Today was funny.  Carol has two kids and Babboo says they are the perfect form of birth control.  After you hear this story, you probably will agree, if you don't, you have issues.
So, Carol's children are both at the age where they have discovered there private areas.  The youngest has been touching his penis so much it is sore.  The other day he told her, "mom my penis is sore."  She said to him, as she was applying powder to his "area," "you need to stop touching it all the time."  His response, "I can't stop, it feels so good."  He has also made comments about his wiener and how it "wouldn't stop showing off," and when he caught a glimpse of his junk in the mirror the other day he said, "look at my pee-pee! Is that what it looks like?!  I cracked up when she told me that one.  I asked her if she told him it doesn't get any better looking with age.
His older sibling has also been on the "if it feels good, do it" bandwagon.  Carol told me she walked into the living room the other day and found her daughter on the couch, "with it pulled down to her knees."  I'm really hoping that is an exaggeration.  When Carol asked her what she was doing, her daughter responded, "I had an itch."  Carol told her to go in the bathroom to take care of her "itch."  The kid says, "I don't want to get off the couch."  So the obvious response by Carol, "get a blanket."  I swear to God I'm never sitting on her living room furniture again!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Carols' Saturday Night Live Skit, or a Million Dollar Idea?

When Carol and I get on the phone we have usual topics of conversation, her kids, our significant others, her neighbors, or how we hate our jobs.  Today, she calls me on her way to work and says she has to stop for gas and will be using her new corporate card for the first time, and hopes it works.  That sparked our idea for a service every employer would want, the "You're Fired" service through your corporate card.  It could also be a great Saturday Night Live skit.  Here's how it would go:

The employee is on a call with their boss regarding their sales numbers.  The boss has less than nice things to say about the employee's performance and demands immediate improvement.  The next day the employee pulls into the gas station, fills up her tank and goes inside for her morning coffee.  She runs the card through the machine on the counter and the display reads, "card not read, please hand to cashier."  She hands the card to the sterotypical gas station employee and he swipes it.  He says to her in a very thick accent, "AHHHHHH, card declined, you fired!"  Surprised by his response, all she can say is, "What?"  He repeats, while cutting the card in half, "you fired, I make fifty dollar."  She digs in her purse, pays with her own personal credit card and walks out of the store to find, where her car was, a car seat, a open, half drank bottle of water, a open bag of combos, a coloring book, and a phone charger.  The company car is gone.  She pulls out her company provided cell phone to call someone to pick her up and the display on the screen reads, "no service, you have been fired."  You then hear the voice track say, "Scared of how an employee will take being canned? Too chicken shit to do it yourself?  Well, now you don't have to, let us do your dirty work for you.  The "You're Fired" corporate card from American Express will alleviate the need for you to terminate under performing employees.  Just click the "You're Fired" link on the employee's corporate account and American Express will do the rest.  We will terminate the employee the next time they attempt to use the card AND we will dispatch a team for immediate repossession of the company car.  It just doesn't get any easier than that.  Sign up today."

The next scene is the employee dragging the car seat down the side of the road.  The camera shows a close up of her face, makeup smeared, hair disheveled, as she says, "What's not in your wallet?"

You know this one is a money maker!!!!!!


This blog is not affiliated with American Express and has received no compensation for the use of the company name.  If American Express would like to give me some money for the free advertisement, or to discuss the development of this service, I am open to it.  Just leave a comment.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Pity Party, Take 1039 - This Post is a Bunch of Random

When you're down in the dumps, it's hard to be positive about anything.  I keep buying my lottery tickets with the hope I'll hit it big time, but we all know that is not going to happen.  I went to the grocery store yesterday with a few tickets in hand, each with multiple "draws" on them.  I went to the service desk and proceeded to scan each ticket in the self service machine.  Painfully I watched as the screen said, "NOT A WINNER" every time I scanned a ticket.  I've been so stressed lately and I was so hopeful at least one would say I'd won something, $1? $5?  Something!?  I stood there and wanted to scream, REALLY?! NOT ONE FUCKING WINNER?! But, I kept my cool, and bought some new replacements for the next drawings.
I've been online most of the day looking for a new job.  One second I want to cry because I feel like I'm not qualified for anything and the next second I'm telling myself to keep going, something good is out there for you.
There's some new show called Famous in 12 on the CW.  The show as described on the CW website:
"FAMOUS IN 12 is an unscripted series/social experiment that will film one fame-seeking family around the clock for 12 weeks straight. The family will be guided by the TMZ machine, which will create a series of opportunities for them. TMZ and Harvey Levin will help, and additional experts will be brought in throughout the course of the series to provide input and guidance on the path to fame, but it is up to the family to pull it off. Throughout their 12-week quest, the family will circulate through some of Los Angeles’ most populated – and popular – venues in order to seize opportunities that might come calling. Executive produced by David Garfinkle (“Naked and Afraid”), Jay Renfroe (“Naked and Afraid”) and Harvey Levin (“TMZ”), FAMOUS IN 12 is from Renegade 83 and Harvey Levin Productions in association with Warner Horizon Television and Telepictures."
Are you fucking kidding me right now?  I've lost all hope in humanity.  First the Kardashians, and now this.  If you watch this, please don't admit it, because I would hope no person that reads my blog would have an I.Q. so low that this show would bring them pleasure.
I have a headache to beat the band, and my swollen wrist is making me more and more angry by the day.  
If you see on the news, that someone has ripped a lotto scanner off the counter at a retail establishment, you can be almost certain it's me.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Yes Mom I Need Some Vitamin C and A Helmet

Well, if you are a Facebook friend, you have seen the carnage already.  I am usually not a person that is injury prone and I am coordinated.  You probably think otherwise considering these happened within two weeks of each other.
Injury number 1:

Taking two dogs outside on leashes at the same time is a really bad idea.  They were off and running before I could make it outside the door and BAM, arm slams against door.  I didn't cry for this one, I was just stunned.
As you can see, this one bruised up nicely.  The first pic is day 1 after the "incident."  Picture two, is about 4-5 days after, and picture 3 is about a week and a half after.  The bruising and overall swelling is down, but the lump on the wrist and the pain is still lingering like a bad hangover.
 




Now, on to the next injury. 
Dog is outside, it starts to rain, and when I say rain, I mean torrential downpour.  Morgan, being a princess, and very stubborn, basically says fuck getting wet, I'm going to stand in the shed for protection from the rain.  I go into shed, swoop her up, take one step out onto the wood ramp that leads into the shed, and once again, BAM!  This time both feet fly out from under me, I land on my left side butt cheek, or so I thought.  I jump up quickly, still holding the dog, because I'm a ninja like that, and run into the house.  Once in the house, sopping wet, I begin to cry, a little from the pain, a lot from me thinking, "really, what the fuck did I do to keep injuring myself?"  That night I was sore, and I fully expected to be covered in bruises immediately.  I wasn't.  Fast forward to the next morning.  Get up, sore, go downstairs to take the dogs out and Babboo says, "what the fuck babe," as he is reaching for my left arm.

This beauty developed overnight along with a headache, from hitting my head, a sore neck, and a very, very sore right hip, which I don't get since my left ass cheek took the brunt of the fall.  I'm pretty sure I either hit the right hip with my elbow and seriously pulled a muscle, since it is now excruciating to get out of bed or the car.  
The Facebook comments have been a mix of sympathy and humor, which I love, because they are from the same people.  One minute they are telling me they are sorry and the next they are saying I need a helmet.  
I'm just hoping the law of three passes me by and my Karma will turn around when I stop to purchase my lottery ticket today.  
Be safe out there friends.  And, may you have great luck with your lottery picks.  Please remember me when you win.