Tuesday, August 5, 2014

FAIL is a Four Letter Word

Usually I try to not post every detail about my current situation.  Most of you have gathered I self terminated myself from a wretched job.  I decided to take a month off.  I haven't not worked for that long since I was in college.  Well that month has come and gone.

I need to get my ass in gear and find a job because quite honestly I am starting to feel a depression set in.  I eat because I should (that should be a MAJOR red flag), and what I do eat is not the healthiest choice and it still doesn't taste good to me.  I am totally unmotivated.  I keep putting things off, because when you don't have to go to work the next day, there is always tomorrow.  The only reason I know it's Monday is because Babboo had the past two days off and got up and left for work today.  I sleep a lot, I mean way more than any person needs.  I go days without leaving the house.  I also go days without showering and I can't believe I am admitting that.

A friend I made in college, who is a friend on the Book Face, recently sent me a book she thinks will help me and my current situation.  She just recently opened her own business and from her posts seems very happy.
"I am so thankful that my work-life now encourages catching up with family & friends, connecting with people, and taking time to just have coffee and a cookie. I recall a previous life in which there was no time for catching up, connecting, or even eating!"

 I want that happiness in my life.  I feel like I'm at an impasse with myself.  How do I find that "perfect" job?  How do people do it?  Do I go back to school, and if so, for what?  Do I open my own business, and if so, what kind, how will I fund it, do I start with an internet store front first and then a brick and mortar building?  Can I make enough money to "make it?"  Will I fail?  There, I said it, the thing I fear the most, FAILURE.

I could list a million quotes about failure and success here.
    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
       -Winston Churchill

    "Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure."
      -George Edward Woodberry

    "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."
      -Vince Lombardi

    "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."
      -Bill Cosby

I've read them all, was inspired by a few, doubted most, but am still in the same place.  What is next for me?  Where will I be in six months, a year, 10 years?  Will I be successful, will I still be "learning from my failures?"

Lately writing is my safe place.  A place to let it all hang out, to be snarky, and silly, to piss and moan, to express how lucky I am (I haven't forgotten that), a way to reflect.  I guess I'm going to give the book a read and hope it helps.  I am lucky to have people in my life that read what I write and recognize when I need a little help, a kind word, a nudge in the right direction.  Thanks Theresa Cooper for seeing that and sending the book to me.  I will read it with an open mind and shaved legs, because the first step toward success is a shower.  

1 comment:

  1. Sleeping more than the normal people, and staying home for days without showers? We *are* kindred spirits. I did finally take a shower yesterday, because you know, sometimes you just have to. It was that, or grow dreds. ;)