Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Houston We Have a Problem

Someone posted a link on the Book Face to an article about why our grandparents didn't get sick like we do.  One of the reasons was the food they consumed were't full of preservatives, GMOs, dyes, and everything else we consume today.  It really got me thinking about the crap we eat and then brought back a very sweet memory of one of Babboo and I's first dates.

Do any of you remember the chips with Olestra in them?  Do you remember the warning on them, contains Olestra, consumption may cause "cramps and diarrhea"?  Did you know food companies are no longer required to put that warning on their products that contain Olestra? I think that is total crap, pardon the pun.  If a company puts something in their product that might make me shit my pants, I think I have the right to be warned of it!  This could explain a lot of close calls.  It's also a bit disconcerting that Olestra has been banned in several countries, including the U.K. and Canada.  Apparently these countries care if their citizens shit themselves! (My apologies for the subtitles. I couldn't find video without them)


While Babboo and I were on Atkins we bought some sugar free candies.  I happen to look at the back of the bag the other day and a highlighted blurb caught my eye.


I never knew that I could be sensitive to sugar substitutes or that they could cause a laxative effect if I was.  Don't you think this is something we all should be warned of?  Shouldn't someone post this on some billboards, or maybe there should be public service announcements on television warning us of things that could possibly make us shart?  That lead me to that sweet memory of the beginnings of Babboo and my relationship.

When Babboo and I first started dating, we went to dinner at a well known steak house.  I ordered a bar burger cooked medium.  I know, you're all thinking why the hell did you order a burger at a steak house instead of the steak.  Well, I ordered the burger and he ordered the steak so each of us could have a taste of both.
My burger arrived at the table looking delicious.  When I took that first bite, anticipating a heavenly tasting, medium cooked burger, I discovered my burger was neither. It was raw inside, not rare, RAW!  It was sent back to the kitchen only to be delivered to me, once again, raw.  Third times a charm they say, so it was sent back again and this time arrived back at the table close to medium.  At this point I was a bit turned off, but ate it because I was starving.  Fast forward to the ride home....

Babboo and I are in the car about 20 minutes from home, when he says his stomach is not feeling so great.  I knew it was serious when he rolled down his window and turned off the heat, it was February and not at all warm outside.  I have had that wave of heat wash over me too when my stomach "issues" are about to get serious.  Ten minutes later I start to have that same feeling, but not wanting to scream out in desperation, "you have to stop somewhere now or I'm going to shit my pants!" I just say I really have to pee.  I could see he was a bit annoyed because of his current situation, but he pulled into the next gas station we came upon.
I ran inside to get the restroom key and hurried back out to go into the restroom.  It was a unisex restroom at a gas station, so you can imagine its condition.  At that point I didn't care if it was a bucket with a toilet seat, on the fifty yard line during the Super Bowl, this was an EMERGENCY!!!!!!!  The process was over quickly and I opened the door, with the 2x4 attached to the restroom key in hand, to find Babboo standing there, his eyes as big as saucers, waiting for his turn.
I returned the monstrosity of a key chain back inside and waited in the car.  He wasn't quite as quick as I was, but emerged looking less frantic than when he had entered.  When he got in the car, he looked at me and said, "thanks for the present."  Apparently my issue needed a double flush, which I hadn't taken the time to check for because I knew he was waiting outside in the same predicament I had been in.  Thank God I am pretty laid back and wasn't totally mortified by his comment, just moderately.

Three years later, we have never returned to that restaurant and their raw burgers that almost caused a major catastrophe.  I think they should have to add to the warning about consuming raw or undercooked meats, you may also shit your pants if you do.

2 comments:

  1. HAHHAHAHA...OMG...I am totally laughing at you and with you.

    Hubs and I have been together for 19 years and I STILL disguise such issues as....I have to pee..RIGHT NOW.

    He's figured out that code, though.

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  2. This is blogging at its best!

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