Thursday, August 14, 2014

Importance and Ramblings

What makes you feel important?  Your job?  Your kids?  Your husband?  Your friends?  I found myself questioning my importance folding laundry, listening to one dog chew on a bone as the other howled and barked at him.  How do those things/people make you feel important?  Do they say thank you?  Do they do things for you?  Do people admire and look up to you?

My life isn't facebook perfect.  My life is good.  I'm just in a funk.  I'm trying to get out of it.  I'm trying to be productive.  I'm trying.  That's hard too.  I'm trying to find my importance again.  I've always associated certain things with feeling important, having a good job for one.  I wasn't a doctor or a lawyer, or what some people think are "important" jobs.  I didn't make six figures, which some people think is "important."  I had a decent job that paid the bills, but I was miserable at and found my life passing me by.  I know it was the right decision to leave. It was, right?

Not having a full time job makes me feel less important for some reason.  Which in turn makes me non-productive, then that turns into being in a funk, a fog, out of sorts.  Looking for a job also puts me in a funk.  I hold myself in high regard for the most part, but try staring at job listings for hours and hours as you discard one after another because you lack experience for this one, or that one.  My once outlook that I can do anything (within reason, I'm not applying for brain surgeon positions) slowly changes to, is there anything I can do?

So, here I am folding laundry, questioning my importance and listening to the dogs gnaw on their raw hides, trying to remember what day it is, and contemplating a shower.  That's a whole other type of funk....

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