Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Red Wine Teeth and a Paint Brush

As you all know I am searching for a job.  I post it a million times here and on the Book Face.  I'm sure just like a lot of you, I'd rather have my own business.  I'd really like to have one of those painting/wine businesses.  I like to be crafty.  I enjoy creating things.  I also enjoy an adult beverage from time to time, so I think I'd really be really good at it.  For shits and giggles I decided to look into the cost of a franchise.  Of course I had to fill out a lengthy form with my name, address, email, phone number, social security number, mother's maiden name, blood type, how many people I've had sex with along with their names, birth dates, current addresses and a rating of their performance from 1-10.  I'm not quite sure why they wanted those names, maybe for references, or someone at this company is REALLY desperate to meet someone, or get laid.

Once I had filled out online form #1, I had to go on to fill out form #2.  Scared from the questions on the first form, I said screw this, apparently this drunken paint night company has some trade secrets that it does NOT want to give out to just anyone.  I have received two phone calls from them wanting to speak to me about my inquiry.  I really think Becky from "Wasted Painting" just wants to see if I have any phone numbers for anyone that got a rating of 7 or above.  I haven't returned Becky's calls so if you are on the list and feel your performance was a 7+, don't get a complex that she hasn't called you, I'm absolutely positive my rating and yours are exactly the same.

The one bit of information I did get from the company's website is you need about $100,000 to open up one of their franchises.  I told Babboo and he was like, "what the hell do they provide for 100k?"  I thought about it for awhile and once again, Babboo is right (don't tell him).  Even if I had the money to start up a "Puked on My Palette" franchise, I can't justify what they provide for $100,000.  So, I guess it's on to the next idea.  I'll consider all (reasonable) suggestions.....

Friday, May 22, 2015

Katie, You Can Eat a Bag of....

 We all are disappointed from time to time.  My letdowns are usually minor things that don't affect anything of significance, cold french fries from McDonald's, my favorite team losing a big game, the price tag on the perfect pair of shoes, the display on the scale, and numerous other things.  Lately my letdowns have been job search related.  I get really pumped about a job, send in the resume, and then a few days or weeks later I get the "thanks, but no thanks" email.

I also would like to thank CareerBuilder for letting me down every fucking day.  I can't believe I fall for their sick joke daily.  I open my account and scan the list of the million emails I've signed up for on various job search sites.  Then I see it, an email that says, "XYZ company is interested in you."  My heart skips a beat, I say to myself, "finally," I think to myself, I can go shopping.  Then gullible me opens the email and for the 100th time it reads, "we found a job you might be interested in."  I literally want to throw my phone or laptop on the floor and jump up and down on it until it's in a gazillion pieces.  I want to call up Katie at CareerBuilder and scream into the phone, "LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!!"  Or maybe I should get one of those big Publisher's Clearing House checks printed up, get a dozen colorful balloons, and show up at Katie's office with a film crew to let her know she's won.  Then yell, "PSYCH," after she gets off the phone with her husband to announce her win fall and she has marched into her boss's office to tell him he can, "take this job and shove it."

After that I will find Katie's personal email and proceed to send her messages everyday that ABC company is interested in her, we found her resume online, and to please call (248) 681-8700, which is the phone number to the Domino's Pizza that is down the street from my house.  I'd give her the McDonald's phone number, but I don't want that bitch working there and fucking up my french fries.

Or maybe I'll just send her this:

Thursday, May 21, 2015

It's Fine, There's Always Tomorrow

There's nothing like a good ol' scare to get your heart racing.  Every once in awhile I'll have one of those moments, a reflection that I think is a person outside the window, a shadow outside at 2 a.m. that I think is the boogie man, a tree branch that I think is a snake, or recently three lumps in my neck that I was sure was going to be something really bad.  Of course that cued up tears and the life assessment. What have I done with my life, what should I have done?  I don't want this to end "badly"......

I'm sure all of you reading this have been in my shoes at this point in your lives.  If not you personally, then someone you know has been through it and you've had the same thoughts.  I'm still teary eyed just thinking about it and I won't bore you with all the details, but it scared the HELL out of me.  It consumed my every thought, even with my best friend and Babboo saying it was nothing.

I even posted a non-snarky post on Facebook about my friends.  Which if you read it and are reading this, was totally sincere.  Yes, me a non-snarky post, you know I must have had the shit scared out of me to do that.

I think we all have these kind of moments when something happens to a friend or family member.  The assessment, the wonder, the sadness.... but when it's you, it's horrific, even when it (hopefully) turns out to be something very small in the grand scheme of things. The past 24 hours I was in that moment.  Trying to put on a brave face at work and going into the restroom to have a major melt down, ugly cry moment, pull myself back together and pretend to give a shit about what color of pillow someone needed.

What I realized is, some people are going through the same type of things every day, putting on a brave face and living with the unknown.  My major meltdown over a, fortunately and hopefully, very small thing may be just the kick in the pants I needed.  I will never surrender the snark, but I will see things differently going forward.  Thank God Carol and Babboo were right yet again.....

If you are reading this, don't wait for a "moment" to ponder your life choices.  If you hate your job, do something to change it.  If any of your relationships are not "healthy," figure out a way to change them or get out of them.  If you've always wanted to go rock climbing, or hand gliding, or just sit down and finish the last half of the book you started 6 months ago, find a way to do it.  We choose not to make ourselves a priority.  Change that....

Sloth, One of the 7 Deadly Sins? Not These

I am still addicted to Pinterest.  One of the coolest things I've pinned lately was this idea from 6th Street Design School for a big impactful piece of art for your wall.  
6th Street Design School Photo
You basically take a shower curtain with a graphic you like and stretch it around a simple frame you build with inexpensive wood from the home improvement store.  All I could think about was what walls in the house are large enough to hang a few of these.  I found so many shower curtains I would love to use.  All of these I found on Etsy.





I don't know why all of the sloths tickle my fancy, but they do.  I probably wouldn't pick one of them for a formal living room, but they are pretty awesome.  

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

You Know This Will Happen

While watching television today, I saw a commercial for Fruit of the Loom, no ride up boxers.  I'm sure very soon I'll see some DB wearing clear plastic pants out in public and they won't be doing it to be funny.  You know I'm right.

Friday, May 15, 2015

We Don't Want the Funk

Yes, I'm in a funk. No, it's not the good type of funk like Funky Town, We Want the Funk, or Uptown Funk. I have nothing to write about. Me, with nothing to say! Shocking, isn't it? Give it some time, I'm sure I'll have a pity party to post real soon.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015


I am a lotions and potions type of girl.  I have smeared more lotion on my angry wrinkle in the past year to try to make it look less like the Grand Canyon of wrinkles.  (The angry wrinkle is the one between my eyebrows, just to make that clear)  Once I hit 40 I should have bought stocks in anti-wrinkle cream and hair dye.

Sometimes while perusing Facebook I'll come across a post about some celebrity and wonder how they have aged.  They have more money for lotions and procedures than us common people, so I'm always interested in how they look.  Today I came across a picture of Pamela Anderson and couldn't resist.  She is almost 50, but I can't help but think she might be turning into Tammy Faye Messner.

Venturelli/Getty Images

Derek Storm/Filmmagic

Give it a few years.  You just might agree with me.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Have You Done Something Different With Your Hair?

It's the same time every year that I decide I need a change with my hair.  I look on Pinterest, I do a Google search for 2015 hairstyles and let me tell you, I'm pretty disappointed by what I've seen so far.

The UK Glamour Hairstyles and Trends for Spring gave me zero ideas.  If you want to do the wet zombie look, the trailer park/not showered in a week up do, or the boyish bob/possible mullet with bangs, this could be for you.  I wonder if women in the UK walk around looking like this.  If so, add the women of the UK to my "things that scare me" list.

I have clicked through a million pictures that include up dos that look like flowers, braids, braids and more braids, the long layered Kardashian look, side swept bangs, no bangs, micro bangs, boho waves, beach waves, highlights, lowlights, and every type of bob known to man, and still I don't know what to do with my hair.  All I know is that I need to dye it and get rid of all this unemployment gray. 

Friday, May 1, 2015

If I Wanted Your Opinion....

I'll just ask you...

Yes, I am still looking for a job.  I am having a hard time remaining positive and optimistic at this point.  Today while searching through job postings, I actually found a couple that are possibilities.  I know some people are probably thinking, "you've been looking for a job for a LOOONGG time, you should be applying for every job you are even close to being qualified for!"  Thankfully I'm in a situation that allows me to be a little more cautious as to who I'm sending my resume to.

This is the deal.  I want more than a job. I want a career, truly.  I want a job that I enjoy.  I want an employer that cares about their employees, can give honest, constructive feedback, pays a fair wage, and has good benefits.  I don't think it's unreasonable to find out as much as you can about a prospective employer before you jump head first out of the proverbial frying pan.

This is where all of you come in.  I know some of you find LinkedIn useless and for a time I did too.  Today, when I found the two jobs that sparked my interest, I thought I'd find people who work for the company and send them a private message and ask for some feedback about their employer.  If someone contacted you, would you respond and would you be honest with your response?  After I sent two messages, I thought maybe I need to contact former employees because they might be more apt to respond and be honest.  Then I thought if they left under bad terms, they might exaggerate with their "cons."

I've read every review on Glassdoor for both companies, but I want to be able to have a dialogue with someone, not just read anonymous reviews.  I'm a pretty awesome catch and I want to be sure a company is worthy of having me as their employee.