Thursday, May 21, 2015

It's Fine, There's Always Tomorrow

There's nothing like a good ol' scare to get your heart racing.  Every once in awhile I'll have one of those moments, a reflection that I think is a person outside the window, a shadow outside at 2 a.m. that I think is the boogie man, a tree branch that I think is a snake, or recently three lumps in my neck that I was sure was going to be something really bad.  Of course that cued up tears and the life assessment. What have I done with my life, what should I have done?  I don't want this to end "badly"......

I'm sure all of you reading this have been in my shoes at this point in your lives.  If not you personally, then someone you know has been through it and you've had the same thoughts.  I'm still teary eyed just thinking about it and I won't bore you with all the details, but it scared the HELL out of me.  It consumed my every thought, even with my best friend and Babboo saying it was nothing.

I even posted a non-snarky post on Facebook about my friends.  Which if you read it and are reading this, was totally sincere.  Yes, me a non-snarky post, you know I must have had the shit scared out of me to do that.

I think we all have these kind of moments when something happens to a friend or family member.  The assessment, the wonder, the sadness.... but when it's you, it's horrific, even when it (hopefully) turns out to be something very small in the grand scheme of things. The past 24 hours I was in that moment.  Trying to put on a brave face at work and going into the restroom to have a major melt down, ugly cry moment, pull myself back together and pretend to give a shit about what color of pillow someone needed.

What I realized is, some people are going through the same type of things every day, putting on a brave face and living with the unknown.  My major meltdown over a, fortunately and hopefully, very small thing may be just the kick in the pants I needed.  I will never surrender the snark, but I will see things differently going forward.  Thank God Carol and Babboo were right yet again.....

If you are reading this, don't wait for a "moment" to ponder your life choices.  If you hate your job, do something to change it.  If any of your relationships are not "healthy," figure out a way to change them or get out of them.  If you've always wanted to go rock climbing, or hand gliding, or just sit down and finish the last half of the book you started 6 months ago, find a way to do it.  We choose not to make ourselves a priority.  Change that....

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