Friday, May 22, 2015
Katie, You Can Eat a Bag of....
I also would like to thank CareerBuilder for letting me down every fucking day. I can't believe I fall for their sick joke daily. I open my account and scan the list of the million emails I've signed up for on various job search sites. Then I see it, an email that says, "XYZ company is interested in you." My heart skips a beat, I say to myself, "finally," I think to myself, I can go shopping. Then gullible me opens the email and for the 100th time it reads, "we found a job you might be interested in." I literally want to throw my phone or laptop on the floor and jump up and down on it until it's in a gazillion pieces. I want to call up Katie at CareerBuilder and scream into the phone, "LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!!" Or maybe I should get one of those big Publisher's Clearing House checks printed up, get a dozen colorful balloons, and show up at Katie's office with a film crew to let her know she's won. Then yell, "PSYCH," after she gets off the phone with her husband to announce her win fall and she has marched into her boss's office to tell him he can, "take this job and shove it."
After that I will find Katie's personal email and proceed to send her messages everyday that ABC company is interested in her, we found her resume online, and to please call (248) 681-8700, which is the phone number to the Domino's Pizza that is down the street from my house. I'd give her the McDonald's phone number, but I don't want that bitch working there and fucking up my french fries.
Or maybe I'll just send her this: